Top 12 problems vets face on returning from holiday
It’s holiday season for vets and getting away from it all is a great way to recharge your batteries. The downside is you have to come back and get back into work mode. If you are a vet, you know you’ve been on holiday when…
1. You can’t remember how to hold gillies
I’m sure it goes something like this….Or is this one for teeth?
2. Your basic cat handling skills go out the window and the danger of strangulation by stethoscope is only narrowly averted by rupture of your tympanic membrane
Which vet nurse told me these were the ‘lucky’ purple gloves?
3. ….and then you forget to close your mouth when lancing a cat abscess
‘You know, it didn’t taste as bad as I thought it would…’
4. You get tangled up driving with your waterproof trousers round your ankles
‘I know I look like a competent professional but so far there’s no sign of my Mint Imperials.’
5. You insist on a lunch break – lasting a whole hour
‘Hey, this is the perfect time to sort out the insurance claim for that dog that was puking green bile and had all that putrid smelling haemorrhagic diarrhoea.’
6. You don’t have any scratches on your hands and your nails have grown back
‘A torti-free zone. And look no goo under the finger nails!’
7. You call the receptionist darling by mistake
‘As soon as I get off this phone I’m going to kill you….’
8. You go into a slump at 3 pm when you realise there won’t be time to eat or drink until at least 8 pm, never mind topping up with a strawberry daiquiri…
‘No, it’s not a bill. It’s the menu from the beach bar at Koh Samui…’
9. Your reaction time is so slow you get bitten by a hamster on your second consult of the day
‘Trust me….look into my eyes…..’
10. You have temporarily lost the ability to put on a straight forward leg bandage so decide this is the time to embrace the new, more creative person you vowed to become…
‘I only came in for a vaccination…’
11. In despair of ever making a diagnosis, you try the Vulkan mind-meld…
‘I’m getting food, park, ball, food….come on baby I just need to know if it’s lymphocytic-plasmacytic enteritis or small intestinal bacterial overgrowth……park, ball, food….’
12. After the first 24 hours you feel like you have never been away. It’s great being a vet.
‘No, I’m not getting in the cage ‘just for a laugh’. The last time you only let me out because an RTA came in.’
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